In an effort to win this year's Too Little, Too Late award, Dan Rather "apologized" for attempting to foist pathetically crude forgeries upon the American people in an effort to help Kerry win the election.
Experts fluent in Rather-speak have translated his "apology" into English:
"I, Dan Rather, greatest of all news men and conduit of truth, am deeply sorry that you mortals have not accepted your lot in life, which is to accept everything I say without question. All right-wing bloggers are morons. Which begs the question of what that makes me since they bested me without breaking a sweat. But they don't have my hair stylist. So there! In any event, I'm not at all sorry for airing the obviously fake memos, but I am deeply sorry that I was exposed, because that means many bad things for America:
"1. You peons have an inflated opinion of yourselves and actually seem to believe that you are entitled to question my word.
"2. Unless you're stupid enough to fall for the "Lucy Ramirez" nonsense, John Kerry is in big trouble as soon as you find out that his campaign was involved in the leaking of those memos.
"3. Which means that the moron Bush is going to win another election.
"4. John Roberts is in line for a promotion.
"5. Which is just as well since I'm going to be busy over the next several months playing a new reality game called 'Evade the Felony Charges'.
"I hate you all. Sorry."
No comments:
Post a Comment